Harenheit – USHiRi magazine

We have incoming reports of gangs of carrots loafing about threatening turnips with potato pealers. The incidents seem to be racially motivated and the police are looking into a possible connection to the growing orange power movement.

A spokesperson asks the public to remain vigilant, but not to cater to the agenda of extremists by giving into unfounded suspiscion and hatred: “It is important that we stay united and work together to counteract any divising effect that these senseless actions may have”.

An historian at the university of C.A.R.R.O.T. emphasises the long tradition of peaceful cohabitation between carrots and turnips, which has always stood out in the Scandinavian cuisine: “We have always married well in casseroles. Our different flavors and cultures have reached a mutual height unattainable on their own”.

Our reporter tried to get a comment among membrrs of the chestnut community, but the ones he spoke to said they preferred to remain taste neutral…

Naturally however, occurrances like the ones we’ve seen these last month, raise issues about our current gun regulations. Is it too easy nowadays for anyone to accquire a potato pealer? Do we need tougher restrictions?

The spokesperson for one of the largest suppliers of potato pealers in the country disagrees: “It’s absurd”, he says, “the problem is’nt the pealer, it’s the person. A potato pealer is a tool, and like any tool it can be used without proper discretion. We as a company cannot be held responsible for the misguided actions of a few troublemakers”.

It is obvious that the matter spawns many different views and emotions. Here we believe journalism has a vital role to play as a neutral platform for rational discourse.

Art: Harenheit

Text: Paul Wahlström

Swedish version – Hatbrott mot morötter
Nya rapporter har inkommit om ungdomsgäng som driver omkring och hotar rovor med potatisskalare. Brotten tycks vara rasmotiverade och polisen undersöker gängens möjliga anknytning till den växande orange power-rörelsen. Polisens representant ber allmänheten att hålla potatisögonen öppna, men att inte spela extremisterna i händerna genom att ge vika för misstänksamhet och hat. “Det är viktigt att vi står enade och samarbetar för att motverka de polariserande effekterna av dessa vettlösa handlingar”.

En historiker vi har talat med pekar på den långa tradition av fredlig samlevnad mellan rovor och morötter som alltid härskat i det skånska köket. “Vi har alltid gått bra tillsammans i grytor. Våra respektive smaker och kulturer har lyft fram varandra”. Vår reporter har sökt en kastanj för en kommentar, men de hon talat med säger att de vill fortsätta att förhålla sig smakneutrala och avstår från vidare kommentarer.

De beklagliga händelserna har väckt frågor om våra nuvarande vapenlagar. Är det för lätt idag att komma över en potatisskalare? Behövs det skärpt reglering? Talesmannen för den största leverantören av potatisskalare förnekar detta: “det är absurt”, säger han. “Det är inte potatisskalaren som är problemet, utan den som använder den. En potatisskalare är ett verktyg, och som alla verktyg kan det missbrukas. Vi kan inte ta något ansvar för vad några enstaka galningar hittar på”.

Det är tydligt att frågan väcker känslor och åsikter. Många av de vi talat med uttrycker sin frustration med starka ord. En del ger uttryck för sin bitterhet mot myndigheterna, och sin egen maktlöshet. Journalistiken har här en vital roll som neutral plattform för en rationell diskurs.

*The Tricarrotops was once the crunchiest creature to roam the Earth.*

I was asked recently by two Italian couchsurfers what to do if you had one day left in Malmö. “We’re thinking of going to the Copenhagen bridge” one of them said, “I mean, just to see what it looks like”.

I nodded, thumbs up, “Yeah! It’s really a pretty cool view almost anywhere the bridge’s included” I said.

“Do you know that there’s quite a thrilling limestone quarry nearby, as well? Where they’ve found lots of cool stuff!”

In my mind had popped up a sentence from a short article I read about the quarry last summer; “Discover the dinosaurs of Malmö and its rare plants and animals!” The article spoke about that summer’s guided tours, which, of course, never happened because of Covid-19.

The small notion about dinosaurs, however, remained in my mind, keeping me wondering “What the heck?”

Now, with two eager travellers right in front of me, it felt like the perfect time to pass this knowledge on. Giving tips and information as a local is indeed a little of the couchsurfing idea, and here I was, a breakfeast-eating Malmö local, at my friend’s – the host’s – apartment.

“I think maybe there are some dinosaur skeletons down there” I said. “I’m not sure, but since you’re already going there, why don’t you check? If you have the time? And you want to? Please also then tell us if you find something!”

The two young women looked at me firmly. I could see a tiny flicker of ancient-reptiles-findings-exitement in their eyes.

They made sure that they had the information written down.

A few hours later we all, however, realized that even if the area in the Limhamn limestone quarry stems from the approximately 66 million years’ old Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event, when all the dinosaurs and a bunch of plants and animal species died out after a believed asteroid impact, the dinosaurs findings in this area haven’t been so prominent (algea, moss animals and corals’ fossils are more common).

Most of the skulls, jaws and limbs from these giant ancestors have actually turned into lime, making up a perfect foundation for sugar refining, paper, steel and tap water production, cow’s and chickens’ feedingstuffs, and fertilizers for seeds, for instance.

Thus, if the Tricarrotops was once the crunchiest creatures to roam the Earth, it might still be that. Only in a different form so to say. That coffee latte and the sandwiches we had that morning might have been either made possible by, or even born some traces of, Tricarrotops in the flesh.

In retrospect I don’t remember any carroty taste though, but everytime I see some sugar or bread… oh, nevermind.

Art: Harenheit
Text: Anna Karlsson